Gazelle Family Netflix Reviews

BILL CUNNINGHAM NEW YORK (2010)
"Extremely nerve-wracking to watch a frail octogenarian photographer ride his bicycle all over midtown without a helmet, sometimes in the dead of night. I’m terrified riding through placid yuppie Brooklyn on a Sunday afternoon!"-Tommy Gazelle

BILL CUNNINGHAM NEW YORK (2010)

"Extremely nerve-wracking to watch a frail octogenarian photographer ride his bicycle all over midtown without a helmet, sometimes in the dead of night. I’m terrified riding through placid yuppie Brooklyn on a Sunday afternoon!"
-Tommy Gazelle

LENNON NAKED (2010)"Does the well of shite celeb biopics ever run dry? Here’s a haggard 46-year old actor playing a 23 year-old John. To make that work, all the Beatles are played by haggard 46-year olds. Result? Looks like a bunch of guys from Accounting teamed up on a group costume for the office Halloween party."-Donnie Gazelle

LENNON NAKED (2010)

"Does the well of shite celeb biopics ever run dry? Here’s a haggard 46-year old actor playing a 23 year-old John. To make that work, all the Beatles are played by haggard 46-year olds. Result? Looks like a bunch of guys from Accounting teamed up on a group costume for the office Halloween party."
-Donnie Gazelle

HELVETICA (2007)
"Ha! This is where we are in first world society. A documentary about a typeface. Is there a clearer indication that we’re about to tumble into post apocalyptic primitivism? People will be lucky to spell stuff out in blood and dung on the ruins of our metropoli 50 years from now."-Tommy Gazelle"Yo, this font roooooccckkkkkks. Except for, the fuckiiiiiiiin Q. Bitch on wheels."-Donnie Gazelle

HELVETICA (2007)

"Ha! This is where we are in first world society. A documentary about a typeface. Is there a clearer indication that we’re about to tumble into post apocalyptic primitivism? People will be lucky to spell stuff out in blood and dung on the ruins of our metropoli 50 years from now."
-Tommy Gazelle

"Yo, this font roooooccckkkkkks. Except for, the fuckiiiiiiiin Q. Bitch on wheels."
-Donnie Gazelle

JACK REACHER (2012)
"Belief is stretched in many ways, but framed by my personal experience the most far-fetched part is how Cruise walks into a Goodwill and buys a set of clothes that immediately fit him perfectly. Dude’s shorter than me and in shape - that shit would take a couple of visits to the tailor to get right."-Tommy Gazelle

JACK REACHER (2012)

"Belief is stretched in many ways, but framed by my personal experience the most far-fetched part is how Cruise walks into a Goodwill and buys a set of clothes that immediately fit him perfectly. Dude’s shorter than me and in shape - that shit would take a couple of visits to the tailor to get right."
-Tommy Gazelle

ROCKY (1976)"Ever notice how Rocky basically eradicates Adrian’s Aspergers or Social Anxiety Disorder or whatever in just one night of filthy cot sess? Forget boxing, Rocky… you could be selling your jizz to pharmaceutical companies. Problem is, it tastes overwhelmingly like raw eggs."-Donnie Gazelle
"I couldn’t ever look at ROCKY the same after Eddie Murphy’s riff on how psyched Italians get when they see it. Shit is racist fantasy for mean little Philly guidos. The only thing harder to take would have been if it had been set in Boston. Ugh."-Tommy Gazelle

ROCKY (1976)

"Ever notice how Rocky basically eradicates Adrian’s Aspergers or Social Anxiety Disorder or whatever in just one night of filthy cot sess? Forget boxing, Rocky… you could be selling your jizz to pharmaceutical companies. Problem is, it tastes overwhelmingly like raw eggs."
-Donnie Gazelle

"I couldn’t ever look at ROCKY the same after Eddie Murphy’s riff on how psyched Italians get when they see it. Shit is racist fantasy for mean little Philly guidos. The only thing harder to take would have been if it had been set in Boston. Ugh."
-Tommy Gazelle

MELINDA AND MELINDA (2004)"Said it before but; does Woody have actual friends? Does he ever actually attend the Manhattan dinner parties where people discuss philosophy that he writes dialogue of, or is that all coming from dim memories of his earlier life? And also, RadMitch… fresh whoosh. Froosh."-Donnie Gazelle

MELINDA AND MELINDA (2004)

"Said it before but; does Woody have actual friends? Does he ever actually attend the Manhattan dinner parties where people discuss philosophy that he writes dialogue of, or is that all coming from dim memories of his earlier life? And also, RadMitch… fresh whoosh. Froosh."
-Donnie Gazelle

THE GONE GIRL (2014)"Women are from scary, men are from dumb. Where they been hiding sessy Pike for the last decade? She was in a 2002 James Bond film that Benny Gazelle called ‘gripping’ and then whoosh. This movie had me worried that my girlf felt empowered by devious insanity and wanted to kill me and I had to hide from her "-Donnie Gazelle

THE GONE GIRL (2014)

"Women are from scary, men are from dumb. Where they been hiding sessy Pike for the last decade? She was in a 2002 James Bond film that Benny Gazelle called ‘gripping’ and then whoosh. This movie had me worried that my girlf felt empowered by devious insanity and wanted to kill me and I had to hide from her "
-Donnie Gazelle

AMER (2009)
"Sucks to be a woman! There’s always some creepy dude trying to get ahold of your budding sessuality. And you maybe dig it a little but are terrified by it also. They kind of took giallo and drained it of all the grooviness (oh and no one talks at all, so dialogue too), but I love boring movies so I was all in."-Tommy Gazelle

AMER (2009)

"Sucks to be a woman! There’s always some creepy dude trying to get ahold of your budding sessuality. And you maybe dig it a little but are terrified by it also. They kind of took giallo and drained it of all the grooviness (oh and no one talks at all, so dialogue too), but I love boring movies so I was all in."
-Tommy Gazelle

KRAMER VS. KRAMER (1979)"In the unreleased 1994 sequel to this movie, Billy is a Seattle grunge musician with a bottomless well of psychological issues. The pain of being twice rejected by his mother has created a intense bitter obsession to collect and ultimately hurt women. The scar near his eye from falling off the jungle gym has always given him an intimidating appearance that attracts edgy women with a taste for danger. His father is now remarried to the sessy copy writer (Jo Beth Williams), he has mastered cooking french toast, and he sends Billy money once a year. Billy burns the checks."-Donnie Gazelle

KRAMER VS. KRAMER (1979)

"In the unreleased 1994 sequel to this movie, Billy is a Seattle grunge musician with a bottomless well of psychological issues. The pain of being twice rejected by his mother has created a intense bitter obsession to collect and ultimately hurt women. The scar near his eye from falling off the jungle gym has always given him an intimidating appearance that attracts edgy women with a taste for danger. His father is now remarried to the sessy copy writer (Jo Beth Williams), he has mastered cooking french toast, and he sends Billy money once a year. Billy burns the checks."
-Donnie Gazelle

SCROOGED (1988)"Karen Allen; my age and about to whoosh. Last year I happened to walk by the textile store she runs in Massholechusetts and so I went in and said to the staff, "Hi, is Karen in?" Not sure what I would have done if she had. Be like, ‘Uh, hi I been crushin’ on you since I was 7. This is my girlfriend.’ Not creepy or awkward.”-Donnie Gazelle

SCROOGED (1988)

"Karen Allen; my age and about to whoosh. Last year I happened to walk by the textile store she runs in Massholechusetts and so I went in and said to the staff, "Hi, is Karen in?" Not sure what I would have done if she had. Be like, ‘Uh, hi I been crushin’ on you since I was 7. This is my girlfriend.’ Not creepy or awkward.”
-Donnie Gazelle

THE UPSIDE OF ANGER (2005)"From the post-modern movie franchise that has Costner playing the same washed-up baseball player with many different names. Icy JoAllen (cast against type as a woman who is not married to a politician) and her 4 btizz daughters played by the actresses you always took a shine to. ‘Cept for ErikaChrist, she kinda whatevs. Not sure what happens after first 20 minutes cuz its unwatchable”-Donnie Gazelle

THE UPSIDE OF ANGER (2005)

"From the post-modern movie franchise that has Costner playing the same washed-up baseball player with many different names. Icy JoAllen (cast against type as a woman who is not married to a politician) and her 4 btizz daughters played by the actresses you always took a shine to. ‘Cept for ErikaChrist, she kinda whatevs. Not sure what happens after first 20 minutes cuz its unwatchable”
-Donnie Gazelle

THE GRADUATE (1967)"You become an adult when you watch this again and realize DustyHoff is a fucking sketchy creep. Keep your wife and daughter away from this stalker who doesn’t even appreciate his parents buying him a sports car. Elaine, he lost his virginity to your mom, for chrissake. What are you doing?"-Donnie Gazelle
"KatRoss is cool, but Give me Anne Bancroft any day. I’m going to art-direct Mrs. Gazelle to get that grey streak in her hair for me."-Tommy Gazelle

THE GRADUATE (1967)

"You become an adult when you watch this again and realize DustyHoff is a fucking sketchy creep. Keep your wife and daughter away from this stalker who doesn’t even appreciate his parents buying him a sports car. Elaine, he lost his virginity to your mom, for chrissake. What are you doing?"
-Donnie Gazelle

"KatRoss is cool, but Give me Anne Bancroft any day. I’m going to art-direct Mrs. Gazelle to get that grey streak in her hair for me."
-Tommy Gazelle

THE MUPPET MOVIE (1979)"1975-1982 is also known as the Age of The Rainbow. From the lyrics of Bread songs to the suspenders on Mork’s hairy shoulders, the rainbow was ubiquitous and not yet gay. They were for lovers and dreamers and me. All of us under their spell."-Donnie Gazelle

THE MUPPET MOVIE (1979)

"1975-1982 is also known as the Age of The Rainbow. From the lyrics of Bread songs to the suspenders on Mork’s hairy shoulders, the rainbow was ubiquitous and not yet gay. They were for lovers and dreamers and me. All of us under their spell."
-Donnie Gazelle

SPACEBALLS (1987)"Only in hindsight can I fathom the confusion that my grandparents must have felt upon watching this with me in the theatre. Just imagine: you’re 75 years old, you’ve never seen any sci-fi in your life, you were a child in friggin 1920’s HUNGARY. But then there’s all these Jewish accents and Hebrew words which you latch onto in familiarity… but spoken by aliens and robots? It must have felt like some sort of neurological hiccup. DaphZuniga, tho, fresh and firey”
-Donnie Gazelle
"Seriously. I didn’t MEET a jew until I was 15, but I saw tons of borscht belt style comedy in my youth. I didn’t actually get any of Brooks’ semitic reference points, but it’s like when you watch Looney Tunes and they reference teen idol Frank Sinatra and you don’t really understand that the cartoon you’re watching was made in 1940 - - you just kind of enjoy it without context."
-Tommy Gazelle

SPACEBALLS (1987)

"Only in hindsight can I fathom the confusion that my grandparents must have felt upon watching this with me in the theatre. Just imagine: you’re 75 years old, you’ve never seen any sci-fi in your life, you were a child in friggin 1920’s HUNGARY. But then there’s all these Jewish accents and Hebrew words which you latch onto in familiarity… but spoken by aliens and robots? It must have felt like some sort of neurological hiccup. DaphZuniga, tho, fresh and firey”

-Donnie Gazelle

"Seriously. I didn’t MEET a jew until I was 15, but I saw tons of borscht belt style comedy in my youth. I didn’t actually get any of Brooks’ semitic reference points, but it’s like when you watch Looney Tunes and they reference teen idol Frank Sinatra and you don’t really understand that the cartoon you’re watching was made in 1940 - - you just kind of enjoy it without context."

-Tommy Gazelle

BLESS THE BEASTS AND CHILDREN (1971)"I had to read the book of this in 8th grade for some class… and after enduring the movie I realize its better as literature. Because even Karen Carpenter’s golden-glass voice can’t dilute the irritating sight and sound of these nasal bedwetters fighting amongst themselves in tightie-whiteys. Torturous."-Donnie Gazelle

BLESS THE BEASTS AND CHILDREN (1971)

"I had to read the book of this in 8th grade for some class… and after enduring the movie I realize its better as literature. Because even Karen Carpenter’s golden-glass voice can’t dilute the irritating sight and sound of these nasal bedwetters fighting amongst themselves in tightie-whiteys. Torturous."
-Donnie Gazelle