Gazelle Family Netflix Reviews

DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES (2014)"Spoilers: Yo, brilliant use of Levon Helm and the Band as an example of everything redeeming about humanity and why electricity should exist. Even apes were like, "that is a good song". Also, this movie reminds you that you should really print out your photographs if you want to see your dead family after a blackout bricks your Apple products."-Donnie Gazelle

DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES (2014)

"Spoilers: Yo, brilliant use of Levon Helm and the Band as an example of everything redeeming about humanity and why electricity should exist. Even apes were like, "that is a good song". Also, this movie reminds you that you should really print out your photographs if you want to see your dead family after a blackout bricks your Apple products."
-Donnie Gazelle

JIRO DREAMS OF SUSHI (2011)
"Man!  And now so does Tommy! Like, I’m sort of skeptical as to how much better this guy’s sushi is than anyone else’s? Like - how much can you make ‘raw fish on rice’ different? But whatever - shit looks delicious when he’s making it. I’m cool with the sushi downstairs at my office for the time being, however…"-Tommy Gazelle

JIRO DREAMS OF SUSHI (2011)

"Man!  And now so does Tommy! Like, I’m sort of skeptical as to how much better this guy’s sushi is than anyone else’s? Like - how much can you make ‘raw fish on rice’ different? But whatever - shit looks delicious when he’s making it. I’m cool with the sushi downstairs at my office for the time being, however…"
-Tommy Gazelle

THE LEFTOVERS (2014)"If I didn’t get Raptured, I’d just get weird with life. Fuck it. Start smoking cigarettes,eating ice cream and roast beef every day. Never shave. Wear skirts on really hot summer days. Just, like, paint and go one road trips. Take naps"-Donnie Gazelle

THE LEFTOVERS (2014)

"If I didn’t get Raptured, I’d just get weird with life. Fuck it. Start smoking cigarettes,eating ice cream and roast beef every day. Never shave. Wear skirts on really hot summer days. Just, like, paint and go one road trips. Take naps"
-Donnie Gazelle

AFTER EARTH (2013)

"Scientology movies, y’all! Cold and kinda 90’s-ish. Kinda weirdly lo-budj and lacking, like, characters? And seem to be made, like, outside the system, ya dig? Like there was, like, a different Hollywood? With only Scientologists working in it?"
-Krent Gazelle

THE ROCKER (2008)"Heh. Eh. Yeh."-Donnie Gazelle

THE ROCKER (2008)

"Heh. Eh. Yeh."
-Donnie Gazelle

OUTLAW PROPHET: WARREN JEFFS (TV 2014)
"Here’s the thing about isolated polygamist cults: You got 7,000 people in a compound, but each dude has like 30 kids from 8 wives so how many generations before y’all inbred as shit? God don’t want that… he prefers the child Dolph Lundgren and Grace Jones should have had. Mix it up!"-Donnie Gazelle

OUTLAW PROPHET: WARREN JEFFS (TV 2014)

"Here’s the thing about isolated polygamist cults: You got 7,000 people in a compound, but each dude has like 30 kids from 8 wives so how many generations before y’all inbred as shit? God don’t want that… he prefers the child Dolph Lundgren and Grace Jones should have had. Mix it up!"
-Donnie Gazelle

LIVE FOREVER: THE RISE AND FALL OF BRIT POP (2003)
"Honestly whatever you think of Oasis, the Gallaghers are relentlessly entertaining to listen to. I think Liam might be actually not intelligent. Like - people with cool accents automatically sound kind of smart? But he might be not smart."-Tommy Gazelle

LIVE FOREVER: THE RISE AND FALL OF BRIT POP (2003)

"Honestly whatever you think of Oasis, the Gallaghers are relentlessly entertaining to listen to. I think Liam might be actually not intelligent. Like - people with cool accents automatically sound kind of smart? But he might be not smart."
-Tommy Gazelle

EUROPA REPORT (2013)
"Congratulations! You discovered (spoiler alert) a glowing space octopus! Great! Can it communicate? No? Huh. And does it posses incredible technology? No? It’s basically just like our octopus but glow-y and maybe more dangerous? So why does this matter exactly? Space is terrible. Why would anyone go there?"-Tommy Gazelle

EUROPA REPORT (2013)

"Congratulations! You discovered (spoiler alert) a glowing space octopus! Great! Can it communicate? No? Huh. And does it posses incredible technology? No? It’s basically just like our octopus but glow-y and maybe more dangerous? So why does this matter exactly? Space is terrible. Why would anyone go there?"
-Tommy Gazelle

CAPOTE (2005)
"You know that moment when you’ve had just the right amount of liquor to make yourself agile in words, witty and yet charmingly cutting? Maneuvering in that narrow verbal zone between your usual self and a sloppy mess? That’s called "Capoting". And it’s only in your mind.-Donnie Gazelle

CAPOTE (2005)

"You know that moment when you’ve had just the right amount of liquor to make yourself agile in words, witty and yet charmingly cutting? Maneuvering in that narrow verbal zone between your usual self and a sloppy mess? That’s called "Capoting". And it’s only in your mind.
-Donnie Gazelle

Somehow these two people played the same character.

Somehow these two people played the same character.

THE AMERICAN FRIEND (1977)
"And then there’s this Ripley adaptation. Dennis fucking Hopper playing Tom Ripley as an urban cowboy, muttering alone in his dilapidated villa. Like after living the Dickie Greenleaf life for a couple of years he got bored because not enough dangerous shit happened."-Tommy Gazelle

THE AMERICAN FRIEND (1977)

"And then there’s this Ripley adaptation. Dennis fucking Hopper playing Tom Ripley as an urban cowboy, muttering alone in his dilapidated villa. Like after living the Dickie Greenleaf life for a couple of years he got bored because not enough dangerous shit happened."
-Tommy Gazelle

THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY (1999)
"How can you blame Ripley for wanting to steal J.Law’s life here. Endless inheritance to squander on some Italy apartment and not need to earn anything? Drink chianti and listen to bebop all day and just, like, YOLO? Damn. I’m-a steal some lives."-Donnie Gazelle
"Tommy…how’s the peeping?"-Tommy Gazelle

THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY (1999)

"How can you blame Ripley for wanting to steal J.Law’s life here. Endless inheritance to squander on some Italy apartment and not need to earn anything? Drink chianti and listen to bebop all day and just, like, YOLO? Damn. I’m-a steal some lives."
-Donnie Gazelle

"Tommy…how’s the peeping?"
-Tommy Gazelle

NO HOLDS BARRED (1989)
"Rrrraggggghhhhhh!!!!! Oily meatball men smashing. Everyone gets smashed once. Hulk in tie-dye, the duality of peace and war. Cackling dwarf in a cage. Dookie. Zeus, whose brain has a thick layer of muscle which squeezes out reason and empathy. Large silk lingerie on Severance hurts more than any punch. Kill him in the brain."-Donnie Gazelle

NO HOLDS BARRED (1989)

"Rrrraggggghhhhhh!!!!! Oily meatball men smashing. Everyone gets smashed once. Hulk in tie-dye, the duality of peace and war. Cackling dwarf in a cage. Dookie. Zeus, whose brain has a thick layer of muscle which squeezes out reason and empathy. Large silk lingerie on Severance hurts more than any punch. Kill him in the brain."
-Donnie Gazelle

GOING ALL THE WAY (1997)
"First you see RachWeisz and it’s like BOOOOMTUBE. And then you see MCGowan and you’re like VAVAVAVOOOOMTUBE. It’s like when that Tex Avery wolf sees the hot chick in the cartoons. Then she gets naked and you just drop dead."-Donnie Gazelle
"Can we all just agree that whatever McGoWOW did to her face should be classified as a crime and prosecuted? Like shouldn’t we throw the plastic surgeon in jail? Like for life? If someone dynamited Rushmore we’d throw away the key, riiiiight?"-Tommy Gazelle

GOING ALL THE WAY (1997)

"First you see RachWeisz and it’s like BOOOOMTUBE. And then you see MCGowan and you’re like VAVAVAVOOOOMTUBE. It’s like when that Tex Avery wolf sees the hot chick in the cartoons. Then she gets naked and you just drop dead."
-Donnie Gazelle

"Can we all just agree that whatever McGoWOW did to her face should be classified as a crime and prosecuted? Like shouldn’t we throw the plastic surgeon in jail? Like for life? If someone dynamited Rushmore we’d throw away the key, riiiiight?"
-Tommy Gazelle

WHITE HOUSE DOWN (2013)
"Shit is like when there’s a movie? About an actor? And that actor gets a job in an action movie that’s supposed to look too stupid to be a real movie? That’s this. It’s like a fake movie. In a movie. Like at the end of THE PLAYER or something. Also I only saw the last 20 min. It was like fake."-Tommy Gazelle

WHITE HOUSE DOWN (2013)

"Shit is like when there’s a movie? About an actor? And that actor gets a job in an action movie that’s supposed to look too stupid to be a real movie? That’s this. It’s like a fake movie. In a movie. Like at the end of THE PLAYER or something. Also I only saw the last 20 min. It was like fake."
-Tommy Gazelle