Gazelle Family Netflix Reviews

DALLAS BUYERS CLUB (2013)"This movie made me want to just order up a dozen meatball parmesan heroes and eat them all and get fat. Let’s double up (our chins because maybe it looks healthier in a way?)"-Donnie Gazelle

DALLAS BUYERS CLUB (2013)

"This movie made me want to just order up a dozen meatball parmesan heroes and eat them all and get fat. Let’s double up (our chins because maybe it looks healthier in a way?)"
-Donnie Gazelle

BLACK ROCK (2013)"Sometimes actresses are just too purty to be believable portraying anything but actresses. These purty birds wouldn’t all be friends who go camping on a shitty island in Oregon, come on. The only time they’d ever be around each other is in an audition waiting room. Oh, and shouldn’t they have one kind of busted-looking friend who tags along? Come on."-Donnie Gazelle

BLACK ROCK (2013)

"Sometimes actresses are just too purty to be believable portraying anything but actresses. These purty birds wouldn’t all be friends who go camping on a shitty island in Oregon, come on. The only time they’d ever be around each other is in an audition waiting room. Oh, and shouldn’t they have one kind of busted-looking friend who tags along? Come on."
-Donnie Gazelle

THE SHINING (1980)"Ok. I think I can put this one to rest for a decade or two. Watched the movie. Watched the making-of documentary. Watched a retarded documentary about how it’s about Apollo 11. Read the book. Stayed at the hotel that inspired the book. Tried to watch the shitty miniseries. Then watched it again. I’m all Shining’ed out. Done like Scatman Crothers; stick an axe in me"-Donnie Gazelle
" I went to a Stanley Kubrick exhibit at LACMA last year, and Saul Bass’s SHINING poster comps were there with hand-written notes from Kubes. Motherfucker wrote "too sci-fi" on one of the comps, which is some BULLSHIT I used to have to deal with all the time when I was designing book covers. It made me kind of hate Stan."-Tommy Gazelle

THE SHINING (1980)

"Ok. I think I can put this one to rest for a decade or two. Watched the movie. Watched the making-of documentary. Watched a retarded documentary about how it’s about Apollo 11. Read the book. Stayed at the hotel that inspired the book. Tried to watch the shitty miniseries. Then watched it again. I’m all Shining’ed out. Done like Scatman Crothers; stick an axe in me"
-Donnie Gazelle

" I went to a Stanley Kubrick exhibit at LACMA last year, and Saul Bass’s SHINING poster comps were there with hand-written notes from Kubes. Motherfucker wrote "too sci-fi" on one of the comps, which is some BULLSHIT I used to have to deal with all the time when I was designing book covers. It made me kind of hate Stan."
-Tommy Gazelle

RAMPART (2011)
"If you were an alien, and you came down to earth and knew like nothing about humans, and to learn you sat down and watched every movie made since the Rodney King verdict, wouldn’t you just kind of assume the LAPD were a criminal gang? Assuming concepts like ‘criminal’ existed on your planet, which maybe they don’t because it’s utopian and technologically advanced?"-Tommy Gazelle

RAMPART (2011)

"If you were an alien, and you came down to earth and knew like nothing about humans, and to learn you sat down and watched every movie made since the Rodney King verdict, wouldn’t you just kind of assume the LAPD were a criminal gang? Assuming concepts like ‘criminal’ existed on your planet, which maybe they don’t because it’s utopian and technologically advanced?"
-Tommy Gazelle

THE BELIEVER (2001)"Look, bro. I hated Hebrew School too. And going to a restaurant with my parents? Oy. But bro. Bro. Relax. Nosh on a bialy and relaaaxxx."-Donnie Gazelle

THE BELIEVER (2001)

"Look, bro. I hated Hebrew School too. And going to a restaurant with my parents? Oy. But bro. Bro. Relax. Nosh on a bialy and relaaaxxx."
-Donnie Gazelle

"I like the part where all was lost. But then (spoiler) all was not lost."-Donnie Gazelle"All things considered, Reddy handled his shit pretty well. I mean…look. If I had woken up to a hole in my boat there would have been so many more ‘fucks!’ ‘shits!’ ‘god-damnits!’ etc. Probably some punching of things. It took my like a half hour to make the bed the other day and i seriously almost cried tears of rage."-Tommy Gazelle 

"I like the part where all was lost. But then (spoiler) all was not lost."
-Donnie Gazelle

"All things considered, Reddy handled his shit pretty well. I mean…look. If I had woken up to a hole in my boat there would have been so many more ‘fucks!’ ‘shits!’ ‘god-damnits!’ etc. Probably some punching of things. It took my like a half hour to make the bed the other day and i seriously almost cried tears of rage."

-Tommy Gazelle 

CROUPIER (1998)
"When this came out people went apeshit, but it’s totally kind of awkward and just ok. Let’s be candid: has voiceover narration EVER made a movie better? I’m trying to think but I’m drawing blanks. Though that might just be because I’m not bright. Also I thought Owen was like a bad ass in this but he’s totally JUST a guy who deals cards and is trying to write a novel."-Tommy Gazelle

CROUPIER (1998)

"When this came out people went apeshit, but it’s totally kind of awkward and just ok. Let’s be candid: has voiceover narration EVER made a movie better? I’m trying to think but I’m drawing blanks. Though that might just be because I’m not bright. Also I thought Owen was like a bad ass in this but he’s totally JUST a guy who deals cards and is trying to write a novel."
-Tommy Gazelle

THE BIG CHILL (1983)"Shit, the Gazelles are somehow OLDER than these people. When we hang out we most certainly do not lament our lost political ideals of youth. We never had any. Instead we mostly discuss the movies you see here on this blog and where to get dope shoes. We’re not boomers. We’re Gazelles.And yo, MegTill? Man? So fresh. Also maybe kinda brainmelty? And her dead boyf Cost is gone so she immediately takes up with impotent William Hurt because she’s brainmelty and up for grabs. Weird how Goldblum could not get anyone to sess him, due to his treachery in liking new-wave music. Vibes.”-Donnie Gazelle
"The poster pictured above kind of tells us why Goldblum couldn’t get sees from any of these boomer chickenheads. He’s sort of striking a weird lesbian aunt pose similar to one I may or may not have accidentally struck in 1999. Actually EVERYONE in that poster sort of looks like a lesbian aunt except Berenger."-Tommy Gazelle

THE BIG CHILL (1983)

"Shit, the Gazelles are somehow OLDER than these people. When we hang out we most certainly do not lament our lost political ideals of youth. We never had any. Instead we mostly discuss the movies you see here on this blog and where to get dope shoes. We’re not boomers. We’re Gazelles.
And yo, MegTill? Man? So fresh. Also maybe kinda brainmelty? And her dead boyf Cost is gone so she immediately takes up with impotent William Hurt because she’s brainmelty and up for grabs.
Weird how Goldblum could not get anyone to sess him, due to his treachery in liking new-wave music. Vibes.”
-Donnie Gazelle

"The poster pictured above kind of tells us why Goldblum couldn’t get sees from any of these boomer chickenheads. He’s sort of striking a weird lesbian aunt pose similar to one I may or may not have accidentally struck in 1999. Actually EVERYONE in that poster sort of looks like a lesbian aunt except Berenger."
-Tommy Gazelle

THE DELTA FORCE (1986)
"YES! Right-wing entertainment at its finest. Characters stop just short of turning to the camera and stating without equivocation that Israel is the U.S.’s closest soul-brother nation. Robert Forster sets back geopolitical relations by decades, applying bronzer and howling "Allahu Akbar". Lee on his last legs and Chuck on cruise control. If I had been 9 and given a studio’s resources this is the movie I might have made."-Tommy Gazelle

THE DELTA FORCE (1986)

"YES! Right-wing entertainment at its finest. Characters stop just short of turning to the camera and stating without equivocation that Israel is the U.S.’s closest soul-brother nation. Robert Forster sets back geopolitical relations by decades, applying bronzer and howling "Allahu Akbar". Lee on his last legs and Chuck on cruise control. If I had been 9 and given a studio’s resources this is the movie I might have made."
-Tommy Gazelle

THE UNAUTHORIZED SAVED BY THE BELL STORY (2014)"Failure on every level. Brain-draining soft-drama starring actors from your local high school senior play. By the end we started watching a episode of the actual show on Netflix and I thought, "Now THESE kids are stars. Dust Diamond, you are so alone in the universe."-Donnie Gazelle

THE UNAUTHORIZED SAVED BY THE BELL STORY (2014)

"Failure on every level. Brain-draining soft-drama starring actors from your local high school senior play. By the end we started watching a episode of the actual show on Netflix and I thought, "Now THESE kids are stars. Dust Diamond, you are so alone in the universe."
-Donnie Gazelle

THAT MAN FROM RIO (1964)
"Sort of like NORTH BY NORTHWEST for knuckleheads? Or like a proto-ROMANCING THE STONE with Belmondo doing slapstick? Lots of fun - Brasilia looks like a landscape from a 50’s Sci-Fi paperback. I hope they planted trees there since 1964."-Tommy Gazelle

THAT MAN FROM RIO (1964)

"Sort of like NORTH BY NORTHWEST for knuckleheads? Or like a proto-ROMANCING THE STONE with Belmondo doing slapstick? Lots of fun - Brasilia looks like a landscape from a 50’s Sci-Fi paperback. I hope they planted trees there since 1964."
-Tommy Gazelle

PASSION (2012)
"Yes! I have no proof that this wasn’t filmed in some other language and then awkwardly dubbed in English. Almost like DePalma wanted to make a really dumb giallo and kind of succeeded. Really kind of primitive and chintzy. Dubious thing to succeed at (I’m thrilled. DePalma might not be…) Am I attracted to Noomi Rapace? I still can’t tell."-Tommy Gazelle
"Agreed. As if they were reading translated subtitles. Hell, this was almost ‘The Room’ with dolls. RachMac wanted dudes to sess her in the guise of her dead twin. Classic DePalma issues."-Donnie Gazelle

PASSION (2012)

"Yes! I have no proof that this wasn’t filmed in some other language and then awkwardly dubbed in English. Almost like DePalma wanted to make a really dumb giallo and kind of succeeded. Really kind of primitive and chintzy. Dubious thing to succeed at (I’m thrilled. DePalma might not be…) Am I attracted to Noomi Rapace? I still can’t tell."
-Tommy Gazelle

"Agreed. As if they were reading translated subtitles. Hell, this was almost ‘The Room’ with dolls. RachMac wanted dudes to sess her in the guise of her dead twin. Classic DePalma issues."
-Donnie Gazelle

DOM HEMINGWAY (2014)
"Jude Law’s metamorphosis from golden MR. RIPLEY days to balding grouchy brit convict really didn’t take that long, did it? I respect that when he started losing his hair he decided not to fight it. Takes courage. ps. this was just okay. Weird to see Khaleesi with normal hair."-Tommy Gazelle

DOM HEMINGWAY (2014)

"Jude Law’s metamorphosis from golden MR. RIPLEY days to balding grouchy brit convict really didn’t take that long, did it? I respect that when he started losing his hair he decided not to fight it. Takes courage. ps. this was just okay. Weird to see Khaleesi with normal hair."
-Tommy Gazelle

THE RAT PACK (2000)"The most swingin’ conspiracy thriller ever. So Sinatra got the Mafia to help out JFK’s dad in winning his son’s election and also sess Marilyn Monroe and lesser trim, but then it all got cookoo, baby, when tap-dancing one-eyed jewblack Sammy married a Norse godess and JFK couldn’t hang with them anymore. When lil bro RFK got nepotized to top cop he couldn’t be any less gracious and started busting mobsters. Dino was like, later, dudes"-Donnie Gazelle

THE RAT PACK (2000)

"The most swingin’ conspiracy thriller ever. So Sinatra got the Mafia to help out JFK’s dad in winning his son’s election and also sess Marilyn Monroe and lesser trim, but then it all got cookoo, baby, when tap-dancing one-eyed jewblack Sammy married a Norse godess and JFK couldn’t hang with them anymore. When lil bro RFK got nepotized to top cop he couldn’t be any less gracious and started busting mobsters. Dino was like, later, dudes"
-Donnie Gazelle

YOU’RE NEXT (2011)
"If this girl is supposed to be so good at killing, why does she not follow the cardinal rule of Dungeons and Dragons? Everyone knows you immediately loot your dead enemy and take their better weapon! She seems perfectly happy using a meat tenderizer mallet, when homeboy had a hatchet! Take the fucking hatchet!"-Tommy Gazelle

YOU’RE NEXT (2011)

"If this girl is supposed to be so good at killing, why does she not follow the cardinal rule of Dungeons and Dragons? Everyone knows you immediately loot your dead enemy and take their better weapon! She seems perfectly happy using a meat tenderizer mallet, when homeboy had a hatchet! Take the fucking hatchet!"
-Tommy Gazelle