Gazelle Family Netflix Reviews

DOM HEMINGWAY (2014)
"Jude Law’s metamorphosis from golden MR. RIPLEY days to balding grouchy brit convict really didn’t take that long, did it? I respect that when he started losing his hair he decided not to fight it. Takes courage. ps. this was just okay. Weird to see Khaleesi with normal hair."-Tommy Gazelle

DOM HEMINGWAY (2014)

"Jude Law’s metamorphosis from golden MR. RIPLEY days to balding grouchy brit convict really didn’t take that long, did it? I respect that when he started losing his hair he decided not to fight it. Takes courage. ps. this was just okay. Weird to see Khaleesi with normal hair."
-Tommy Gazelle

THE RAT PACK (2000)"The most swingin’ conspiracy thriller ever. So Sinatra got the Mafia to help out JFK’s dad in winning his son’s election and also sess Marilyn Monroe and lesser trim, but then it all got cookoo, baby, when tap-dancing one-eyed jewblack Sammy married a Norse godess and JFK couldn’t hang with them anymore. When lil bro RFK got nepotized to top cop he couldn’t be any less gracious and started busting mobsters. Dino was like, later, dudes"-Donnie Gazelle

THE RAT PACK (2000)

"The most swingin’ conspiracy thriller ever. So Sinatra got the Mafia to help out JFK’s dad in winning his son’s election and also sess Marilyn Monroe and lesser trim, but then it all got cookoo, baby, when tap-dancing one-eyed jewblack Sammy married a Norse godess and JFK couldn’t hang with them anymore. When lil bro RFK got nepotized to top cop he couldn’t be any less gracious and started busting mobsters. Dino was like, later, dudes"
-Donnie Gazelle

YOU’RE NEXT (2011)
"If this girl is supposed to be so good at killing, why does she not follow the cardinal rule of Dungeons and Dragons? Everyone knows you immediately loot your dead enemy and take their better weapon! She seems perfectly happy using a meat tenderizer mallet, when homeboy had a hatchet! Take the fucking hatchet!"-Tommy Gazelle

YOU’RE NEXT (2011)

"If this girl is supposed to be so good at killing, why does she not follow the cardinal rule of Dungeons and Dragons? Everyone knows you immediately loot your dead enemy and take their better weapon! She seems perfectly happy using a meat tenderizer mallet, when homeboy had a hatchet! Take the fucking hatchet!"
-Tommy Gazelle

TRANSFORMERS : AGE OF EXTINCTION (2014)
"Never thought I’d say this but: I missed Shia. I missed him saying ‘No!’. I even missed his annoying parents. But instead is the boringzone Dad-Daughter-Daughter’sBF dynamic from ‘Armageddon’. Tucci acting at 100%. Although this franchise peaked with the madness of part 2, i will forever be compelled to see the cubism of metal, the incomprehensible struggle to hold on to the McGuffintron, the spaceships, and the deeply offensive black stereotypes. Bay is an idiot savant.”-Donnie Gazelle

TRANSFORMERS : AGE OF EXTINCTION (2014)

"Never thought I’d say this but: I missed Shia. I missed him saying ‘No!’. I even missed his annoying parents. But instead is the boringzone Dad-Daughter-Daughter’sBF dynamic from ‘Armageddon’. Tucci acting at 100%. Although this franchise peaked with the madness of part 2, i will forever be compelled to see the cubism of metal, the incomprehensible struggle to hold on to the McGuffintron, the spaceships, and the deeply offensive black stereotypes. Bay is an idiot savant.
-Donnie Gazelle

FLASHDANCE (1983)
"Pittsburgh Sons and Pittsburgh Daughters, mesmerize 3 rivers waters. Old man dive bars have live high-concept MTV-style not-quite-nude dancing every night. JBeals is 18 but works as a welder and owns her own warehouse. Wikipedia informs me that originally this was going to be directed by Cronenberg with Gene Simmons as her love interest. Uh, that would have been a bit different."-Donnie Gazelle

FLASHDANCE (1983)

"Pittsburgh Sons and Pittsburgh Daughters, mesmerize 3 rivers waters. Old man dive bars have live high-concept MTV-style not-quite-nude dancing every night. JBeals is 18 but works as a welder and owns her own warehouse. Wikipedia informs me that originally this was going to be directed by Cronenberg with Gene Simmons as her love interest. Uh, that would have been a bit different."
-Donnie Gazelle

BROTHERHOOD OF THE BELL (TV 1970)
"Kinda like if ‘The Skulls’ only starred middle-aged men in Nixon-era business suits. Good conspiracy theory paranoia, but all I could really think throughout was, ‘Glenn Ford, that lucky bastard sessed Rita Hayworth’-Donnie Gazelle

BROTHERHOOD OF THE BELL (TV 1970)

"Kinda like if ‘The Skulls’ only starred middle-aged men in Nixon-era business suits. Good conspiracy theory paranoia, but all I could really think throughout was, ‘Glenn Ford, that lucky bastard sessed Rita Hayworth’
-Donnie Gazelle

JONESTOWN: PARADISE LOST (2013)"The decision to cast a poor man’s Jason Biggs as Reverend Jim is unquestionably brilliant. Increases the discomfort and creeping terror"-Donnie Gazelle

JONESTOWN: PARADISE LOST (2013)

"The decision to cast a poor man’s Jason Biggs as Reverend Jim is unquestionably brilliant. Increases the discomfort and creeping terror"
-Donnie Gazelle

HALT AND CATCH FIRE (2014)
"Lee Pace is so weird in this way I can’t put my finger on. He sort of seems like a replicant, doesn’t he? Like an artificial man who’s learned to have tantrums? A few of the people in this cast weirdly seem like replicants, actually. I wish someone would say that about me…"-Tommy Gazelle

HALT AND CATCH FIRE (2014)

"Lee Pace is so weird in this way I can’t put my finger on. He sort of seems like a replicant, doesn’t he? Like an artificial man who’s learned to have tantrums? A few of the people in this cast weirdly seem like replicants, actually. I wish someone would say that about me…"
-Tommy Gazelle

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY (2014)
"Yo, I’m not racist but I just don’t find myself sexually attracted to green-skinned women. YO! It’s just my taste, OK?! I like purple chicks but they’re never into me. Also: ‘The Postman’ was the actually the first sci-fi to use Redbone’s ‘Come and Get Your Love’ and yall need to give KevCost props on that."-Donnie Gazelle

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY (2014)

"Yo, I’m not racist but I just don’t find myself sexually attracted to green-skinned women. YO! It’s just my taste, OK?! I like purple chicks but they’re never into me. Also: ‘The Postman’ was the actually the first sci-fi to use Redbone’s ‘Come and Get Your Love’ and yall need to give KevCost props on that."
-Donnie Gazelle

TWO OF US (TV 2000)"I dug this actually. It’s like… being a dude in your late 30’s. Don’t matter if you’re a former Beatle or a Gazelle Bro; just gotta bury the hatchet with old bros and hang out without the wives sometimes. Smoke up and walk around in a park. Bro time."-Donnie Gazelle

TWO OF US (TV 2000)

"I dug this actually. It’s like… being a dude in your late 30’s. Don’t matter if you’re a former Beatle or a Gazelle Bro; just gotta bury the hatchet with old bros and hang out without the wives sometimes. Smoke up and walk around in a park. Bro time."
-Donnie Gazelle

ESCAPE FROM TOMORROW (2013)
"I guess Disney World probs has a creepy underbelly or whatever, but the real horror here seems to be having a wife and kids. Yikes! Get a vasectomy, fellas."-Tommy Gazelle

ESCAPE FROM TOMORROW (2013)

"I guess Disney World probs has a creepy underbelly or whatever, but the real horror here seems to be having a wife and kids. Yikes! Get a vasectomy, fellas."
-Tommy Gazelle

THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE (2004)
"Yo. Poss as good as the original, if not better!? Makes you wonder about, like… everything? Like, everything is … lies? The writers must have spent some time trying to figure out how to update the war to the Middle East and not change the title. They did fine."-Donnie Gazelle

THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE (2004)

"Yo. Poss as good as the original, if not better!? Makes you wonder about, like… everything? Like, everything is … lies? The writers must have spent some time trying to figure out how to update the war to the Middle East and not change the title. They did fine."
-Donnie Gazelle

ELYSIUM (2013)"With the budget of this movie, they could have solved all the problems that are certain to make our future the dystopia that it predicts. Also, it was just a really really bad movie. Don’t do this, donkeydick"-Donnie Gazelle

ELYSIUM (2013)

"With the budget of this movie, they could have solved all the problems that are certain to make our future the dystopia that it predicts. Also, it was just a really really bad movie. Don’t do this, donkeydick"
-Donnie Gazelle

KILL YOUR DARLINGS (2013)"I guess speed seems ok to do if you have a project. Like, don’t just do speed and bite your fingers on the couch. Do speed and staple pages of books to a wall. Or do speed and jack off onto a book and then write a poem using the words that the jizz lands on. Whatever you do, you better have a chapbook when it’s done or else it was all for not. Have a pen ready."-Donnie Gazelle

KILL YOUR DARLINGS (2013)

"I guess speed seems ok to do if you have a project. Like, don’t just do speed and bite your fingers on the couch. Do speed and staple pages of books to a wall. Or do speed and jack off onto a book and then write a poem using the words that the jizz lands on. Whatever you do, you better have a chapbook when it’s done or else it was all for not. Have a pen ready."
-Donnie Gazelle

INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS (1956)"Old b&w movies make cigarettes and liquor seem as harmlessly everyday as peanuts and seltzer. Just keep throwin’ them down everytime you have a conversation with anyone. Fun fact: the star of this played Uncle Walt in the third segment of ‘The Twilight Zone Movie’ from the 80’s  "-Donnie Gazelle

INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS (1956)

"Old b&w movies make cigarettes and liquor seem as harmlessly everyday as peanuts and seltzer. Just keep throwin’ them down everytime you have a conversation with anyone. Fun fact: the star of this played Uncle Walt in the third segment of ‘The Twilight Zone Movie’ from the 80’s  "
-Donnie Gazelle